Before I write about the above topic, I need to say something. I feel like I want to share that my grandma passed away this summer. I never wrote about that, though it was something important and connected to things I have talked about here. Both I lived with my dad during chemo, while he took care of grandma and Bill. My dad did a wonderful job taking care of Julie (grandma) until the very end. We miss grandma but are glad she is at peace.
I had weird dreams last night, some of which touched on death and my fears regarding it. It was about the oldest dog, Gabe, initially, he was dying. But he turned into a person, Bill, and he was sitting on a couch. We all knew the end was near, but it was a rough time because his breathing was labored. It was hard to watch and I just wanted it to be over and him to be at peace. I asked him if he would like me to hold his hand. I sat there next to him holding his hand while he transitioned.
You know that part in Lord of the Rings where Frodo has been stabbed by the Ringwraith and he is preoccupied with visions inside his mind, no longer aware of the present moment of consensual reality? It was like that, the man was going into that state.
Sigh. I do have fears. I fear suffering...my own and others.
I am afraid I will do the wrong thing, and then end up suffering. And it will be my fault.
I'm not sure where to go with that at the moment, except just to be aware of it.
I'll have to write about the above topic at another time. Because I have to get to class.
Really, I'm okay, just wanted to express myself a bit and get it out of my head. Thanks for that, blog.
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